My job is very demanding. Not in a bad way, it is good to be busy and productive. But it is also draining some days. And since I am so mentally exhausted by 5:30, I come home and do NOT want to feel busy. I've been feeling busy and rushed since 8:00... I want to lay down on the couch and sip my lemonade!
It's crazy because I have these to-do lists at work and I check those suckers off like mad. The lists help me be productive and accomplish everything that needs to be done. I really need to get one of those for home... There is so much to do (that I want to do) at home, but they feel like tasks so I don't do them. That's where the crazy comes in - I am Mrs. Productive-get-things-done at work, and Mrs. Flake-let-you-down at home. Awesome! Who wants to be my friend now? :)
I need to do dishes, laundry, clean the bathroom, sew those clothes, make shower invitations, create a family reunion game, do my workout, read my scriptures, make dinner, write a sympathy card, send a birthday card, call those best friends I never talk to, drop off things at campus, reorganize the spare room, start-up my Etsy shop, read my dad's book, clean out the fridge, try to eat healthy and plan meals ahead --- and be a happy, selfless wife while doing everything. I know if I make some of those habitual, they won't feel like tasks anymore. But how can I form habits when I'm too tired to start them?
Matt is actually VERY amazing at helping me. He makes dinner most nights and cleans the kitchen/living room almost every day. He will do anything I ask him, but doesn't it feel wrong to ask him to do that every day? Maybe I'm just bad at delegating. And maybe I just want to be a better ME - a me that can do everything and have enough energy leftover to shave my legs - so delegating seems like a cop-out.
Aren't I not supposed to feel this way until I have kids? Isn't now the time Matt and I can relax and enjoy one another's company before the chaotic family life? That's what gets me down the most. Thinking that this is our only "honeymoon" stage, and our lives will only get more hectic.
This is a call for help. I need advice! How do you busy people keep up with the everyday household to-do lists? How do you keep up your energy throughout the day to get it all done?
I go through this same dilemma, how to be the perfect wife who manages to do everything everyday. Stop trying to be her, she doesn't exist. Trying to be her will make you feel overwhelmed and you will wind up forever stuck on the couch sippin lemonade. You have to be realistic about what can actually be done on an average day. Try breaking your monstrous home to-dos into a smaller list. Maybe 2-3 things each day. Some days just one thing. That way they seem more doable to the girl sippin lemonade on the couch.
ReplyDeleteAnd don't feel bad for having Matt help out. You are both busy during the day and it sounds like he enjoys helping, so let him. He is your capable husband, not a helpless baby.
Anywho, sorry for the novel, but that is my two cents worth of advice. Love you Mallo!
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ReplyDeleteI agree with Miss Jessica up there...Break it down! Give yourself a list, but only give yourself like 2 tasks per day at home. Maybe even just 1 if it's big. Maybe break it down even more. (For example, instead of "Organize the spare room," try "Spend 45 minutes organizing the spare room." Then set a timer, and when you're time is up, drop it and start sipping lemonade.)
ReplyDeleteBecause the list you made is just too big. Organize by deadline. What MUST be done first? Do 2 things that must be done. And then RELAX. Totally ignore everything else on that to-do list. You did your 2 tasks so now you're free and awesome and productive and deserve to relax.
We live in a "production-based" society. Sometimes it seems that our value is measured not by who we are, but in how much we accomplish...what our personal GPD is. Which, if you'll pardon my language, is TOTAL bulls**t. A lot of the time, we "work against ourselves" by spending the majority of our relaxation time feeling guilty about all the things we're NOT doing. But here's something we don't realize: relaxing IS productive. It makes you more balanced and better able to accomplish tasks when we need to. Sometimes we make ourselves miserable by spending all our working time wishing we were relaxing, and all our relaxing time feeling guilty for not working. Stop that. Live in the moment. Work when you're working and relax when you're relaxing.
Timers are a huge help for me. During my last semester of school, I would set a timer while doing homework: 20 minutes of homework, 10 minutes relaxing. It helped me a ton...I would do homework, knowing I had a break coming. Then I could enjoy that break and then get back to homework. Maybe you could try something similar at home. When you get home, you can spend 1 hour relaxing, then 45 minutes doing something from your to-do list, and then relaxing the rest of the night.
This was a novel. Sorry.
I should become a life coach or something.
Being a homemaker is a full-time job. So it's going to be difficult to get that job done on top of your other job.
ReplyDeleteWhen Luke and I were both working full-time, we decided we should split up the homemaker job between the two of us. I cooked dinner, he cleaned it up. On Saturdays (our days off), I cleaned the bathrooms and he vacuumed. And we let a lot of the other stuff slide for a while. (Did we ever dust? :) So don't feel bad about making Matt help. Someday, when you're a stay-at-home mom, you'll handle it all. But for now you've both got to help get it done. :)
Hope that helps! I can't wait to see you next weekend!
I really love the blog zenhabits. There is a great post called "the zen of doing": http://zenhabits.net/doing/
ReplyDeleteI also like the posts titled "breathe" and "be still" (under the "start here" section) and Abigail told me that lately she seems to be mastering his "the best goal is no goal" concept and is loving it. If only I could figure that one out!
These are ALL great ideas and advice! I'll just second that timer idea, Mallo---since you and I are pretty much the same person....I'll let you know what has helped me (as I relate to your energy flows). In fact, it is SO great that I read this today as I'm feeling like I need a kick in the pants to get moving now that it's summer and I just want to play/relax. So , the timer has worked for me with cleaning (but can be used for any chore or responsibility). I can totally tell myself "I will only clean for 15 min and then I'm done and I'm going to rest"-
ReplyDeleteMore often than not I just keep going cuz I already got over my big hurdle--which is just starting. But if it is a really exhausting day, I stick to my timer and leave it at 15 min---and NO guilt---cuz isn't 15 min better than nothing? Than I'm totally justified with watching a show. My other trick---put on the music!!! I can DO anything almost brainlessly with music on......and I forget to do this a lot-----but it is a great motivator.
One other thing that may help.....the things you can do on a lunch break (like write those cards/make a call/ write in your journal/read your scriptures) try to do these at that time because of two reasons: 1.) you are already totally in your productive mode being at work. You are armed with your lists AND your big black marker to cross them off. I find that when I'm still in "work" mode - it's best to throw in a couple of those hard to tackle personal items....and the second reason 2). you aren't tired yet from the end of the day..I think you are like me in that once I am "done" with something...I'm COMPLETELY checked out!! So, at 5:00 I was done as well (when I worked)--it's like I was a computer and got switched into standby mode---the light was on, but nobody home.
Let Matt do dinners during the week and then crank the music and both of you do the dishes together while you dance like crazy!! Turn on the video camera and record your dance session.....then crash and don't do anything else that night...
Just say "I can do this one thing....." (or maybe for you cooking is better--but for me, I prefer cleaning if I had to choose). But I still wasn't cleaning much either and Brian was doing both and I felt so guilty----so I just started to see it as I had to pick one and cleaning was so much better so it was easy to do it....but we do it together (actually all 4 of us do it together now) and it goes so fast and it's easy.
Sorry so long.........please don't beat yourself up! It's so normal---well, normal for our family---I don't know if that means it's normal or not though.....
UMMMMMMM"shower invitations"............ does that mean like BABY SHOWER invitations????
ReplyDeleteps love you and miss you- we still need to hang out!
And I do this ALL the time. Thankfully Pat is the stay at home wife now, so SOME laundry gets done! :)
You don't. Nobody keeps up with it all. Don't be too hard on yourself. Having kids is a serious job.. boy do I know that. But you have a demanding job too! You can't tell yourself just because you don't have kids you have to be able to do everything. You're just one girl!
ReplyDeleteAlso, I feel that GUILT thing all the time. Isn't it good to make dinner for our family? and clean the house? and play with will 24/7? and... and... and.. but you have to let Matt help you. You're supposed to be a team and the only way to be happy is if you help each other out.
That being said. I don't really know anything. I just try to make it through the day :) but cut yourself some slack :)